The Best Things In Life Are Free

I’m smart. I’m bold. I’m determined. And more than anything, I love being a part of something bigger than myself. I love the feeling of being selfless, and feeling like I belong.

About a month ago, I decided it was time to do something; start helping people. I looked into Big Brothers Big Sisters and Habitat for Humanity, but neither stuck out to me. Then, I saw that one of my friends from college started her own non-profit, 2 Seconds Or Less. One: I felt the fact that someone my age was starting their own company was amazing, and two: I thought it was absolutely amazing that they were working for such a great cause. I emailed Christie, and a week later I became part of 2SOL.

I didn’t think I’d be so into it, really…I thought it would be a fun little side project. This extracurricular has consumed my life, and made me happier than I’ve been in years. I’m fundraising, I’m planning, and I feel like I’m exactly where God wants me. I am working with an awesome team of people who are incredibly supportive and generous, and I am loving every second of every day.

I feel blessed. All day. Every day. I feel like I’m where I’m meant to be. I feel like my talents are being put to good use, and God is working on his plan for me. My friends are incredibly supportive of everything that’s happening, and everything is falling into place. For once, I feel genuinely proud of myself and my abilities, and happy with who I’m becoming. WE WILL make a difference.

To My Wonderful, Insane, Somewhat Incompetent Mother

Never could I even dream of summing up everything you've ever gave me in a page or two long letter. You, my dear, have almost single-handedly turned me into the woman I am today, and I could never thank you enough.

In my short twenty years of life, I don’t know of one person who has been there for me, cared about me, or made me laugh more than you. As far back as I remember, I have been a momma’s girl, and with good reason. I think you underestimate the impact you have made on all of us, and your abilities as our mother.  While you spend your days worried about the amount of money you make to support us, we spend ours counting the ways in which you’ve touched our hearts. You’ve been successful in more ways that what money has to show. You’ve had four, in my opinion, great kids, who love you to death.  You were always there to wake us up in the morning, see us off to school, be there to make us dinner, and help us with our homework (some more than others).  You’ve seen us through thick and thin, even times when I thought I wouldn’t make it through. Every little day or moment that you pass off as nothing, I promise I will remember for the rest of my life.

You and I have grown over the years.  We started out with a distinct mother-daughter relationship. I listened to you, you took care of me, and we’d spend our nights curled up on the couch with a bowl of ice cream and a romantic comedy.  Things have changed now. I’m not just curling up on the couch with my mother anymore. I’m curling up on the couch with my best friend. You’re the woman I can come home from a stressful day, and sip wine and eat chocolate with, expecting a good laugh or two.  I look forward to your days off so we can go to the market, or out to lunch. I can talk to you whenever I need help, and you’ll always listen (or pretend to). We’ve become partners; making family decisions together, sharing household responsibilities, and making sure everyone else is taken care of. You also cause me more frustration than any person I’ve ever known; with your indecisiveness, obliviousness, and somewhat nagging personality.  I’m beginning to take comfort in coming home to a to-do list, or a request to make dinner. Know what I mean, Vern?

Do me one favor, never discredit yourself for anything you do.  You always have been and always will be a fantastic mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, and human being. You have a way of making everyone feel loved and cared for, even if you don’t realize it. Know this. If you ever feel like you’re walking through life alone, I’m always there for you. I’ll stop whatever I’m doing, come running from wherever I am, or do whatever I have to be by your side, because that’s what you’ve done for me. You’ll never have to worry about being by yourself, because I promise I will never leave you. I’ve told you before, and I’ll tell you again, whoever marries me better love you, because you’re not going anywhere.

Just in case I don’t tell you enough, I love you, Mom.  And thank you for everything you‘ve ever done for me, you incompetent ass.

40 days and 40 lifechangers

These next forty days are something to be cherished. As I think about all God has done for me, It makes me think of all the other people that have changed my life, that I never necessarily thanked, or took the time to appreciate. The next forty days, I will choose someone every day who has made a great influence on my life, and write them a letter.  Maybe then, I will grow a better appreciation for those in my life.

The Simple Act of Caring

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
-Leo F. Buscaglia

It’s in the hard times, that you start to sort your family, friends, and everyday acquaintances. You start to realize who takes the time to make sure you’re okay, lend a listening ear, or show that they’re thinking about you. It’s then, when you truly begin to value those people.

If you would have asked me a few years ago whether or not I thought I was a good friend, I’d say probably not.  Call it stubborn teenage years, but I never really cared about the feelings of another. If I saw a girl crying in the hallway, I’d laugh most times.  If something good happened to one of my friends, I never took the time to congratulate them. Little things like this, seemingly meaningless, have grown to become a very important part of my everyday life.

I like to consider myself a good friend. I will tell anyone who asks, I don’t have hundreds of friends. I have a fairly small group of awesome people that I consider more family than anything else, that’s how close we are. These are the people I love more than anything, and genuinely do care about.  I’ll travel two hours to hang out and cheer them up, I’ll stand in line at the post office for forty-five minutes, just to make sure they get their Valentine’s Day gifts on time, and I’ll text them to see if the speech they’ve been stressing over went okay. None of that seems like work to me, because they are 100% worth my time.

Likewise, these are the few who have shown me nothing but love and caring, and I can’t thank them enough. A text with and inspirational quote always seems to show up on my cell just as I’m hitting a low point, they call to see how my doctors appointments go, or come sit with me when I get my wisdom teeth out. They’re the best.

You’d be surprised how far a little text, phone call, or small gesture of care can go. Best way to make someone’s day? Let them know they’re thought of.

It's Always Better When We're Together

How do you know when you’ve found the one you’re meant to be with?  Will you get this overwhelming feeling of butterflies in your stomach? Will your heart skip a beat? Will he or she profess their love to you in front of hundreds of people like in the movies? Or, will you grow to find an understanding that your soul mate has been right in front of you, for years and years, and has been posing as your best friend all along?

I know for a fact I am not the only one that thinks about this.  In fact, I’m watching quite a few of my best friends go through the same exact thing right now, all with different outcomes.  One has had the same best guy friend since she was in elementary school.  They grew up together, and could rely on each other for anything and everything. After they graduated, she went off to college, and he enlisted in the military. After keeping in contact through both of these life paths, they recently got together, and realized there might have been more to their relationship than they once thought. They ultimately decided to maintain their relationship the way it was, but they never would have known had they not tried.

Another is one that I’ve watched since the beginning, and felt for both sides. Two best friends, and coincidently two of my best friends, realized they liked each other.  They dated for quite some time, but broke up because of minor differences.  Now, they both have dated other people, and one is currently dating someone else…but they both know in their hearts that there’s something there…and that’s why they tend to hold out for each other. They talk everyday, about everything, but still cannot reach the point where they accept their feelings.  For everyone watching, we know it’s just a matter of time before they surrender.


By far my biggest challenge, is the conundrum of my own.  A few years ago, I went to visit some friends in Hughesville, my old home. I love going back, mostly because I feel like time almost stands still there. The places never change, nor do the people. Anyway, I met a guy, Jack.  Actually, he was the boyfriend of the friend I was going to visit.  We quickly realized we had a lot in common, and became friends.  His relationship ended shortly after. One night, we were having a simple conversation, that turned into an entire night awake, spent discussing each others lives and commenting. I told him more than I’d ever told anyone, and genuinely trusted him…trust him. After that night, we talked 24/7...text, facebook, even a couple of Hallmark cards.  Over time, I started to come to the realization that if the distance wasn’t there, I don’t think there would be much keeping us apart. This was about a year ago now, and I still talk to him at least a couple times a week. Actually, I miss him if I don’t.

For some reason, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, especially with the happenings in my last relationship. Not at first, but later I realized I was comparing everything to him. My comfortability level, personality, looks…nothing added up. It wasn’t even a close call. I began to see that no matter how much I tried to deny it, or turn the other cheek, this feeling wasn’t going anywhere.

Unfortunate circumstances recently brought me back to Hughesville.  After receiving a phone call from my old neighbor the other day, I learned that Jack’s dad had passed away.  Instantly my heart sunk, and all I wanted to do was be there for him…and that’s all it took.  Saturday morning, I was on my way, thinking the whole car ride about how I would feel when I saw him again.  It took a total of three seconds and one glimpse across a crowded Cracker Barrel to realize, nothing changed.  We spent the night with a few good friends, hanging out, laughing, and carrying on; it was the best night I’d had in a long time. All night though, I felt this overwhelming “more than friends” vibe between us. Circumstances are different now; he has a girlfriend, and I still don’t just live around the corner. I know this, and tried to cover it up. BUT, it was there for me. I know the man he is, and the man he wants to be, and respect them both. I love the fact that he’s into aviation, and photography, and has one of the most unique personalities I’ve ever come across. There’s so many similarities between us, and from a few outsiders’ points of view…chemistry. It didn’t take much…a nudge after a joke, resting his head on my knee during a movie, or even sitting together for hours on a couch, saying next to nothing, to make these butterflies appear out of nowhere.  It’s the little things, seemingly harmless,  that make the difference to me. Simply, it's always better when we're together.

I’m not a stupid person. I know it’s unrealistic, and I’m very well aware that he may not be feeling the same way. However, I still ponder last night over and over again…because THAT is the guy I want to spend all night with, watching stupid movies, staying up all night, and having a coffee with at six am.   I don’t want for things to change, because honestly, he’s one of my best friends. He’s one of the few people I always feel I can tell anything to, and I don’t want to lose that. Ever. I also have to be honest with myself, and realize…I might just be falling for my best friend.

So again, how do you know? Is it going to be some fairytale scene from a Disney movie? Or..
Will you hear a Jack Johnson song on the radio, and automatically think of them? Will you be cooking banana pancakes, and have the overwhelming urge to let them know? If you have a great day, do you want to race home, just so you can tell them about it? Will you spend every cent of your money, just to buy them the most unique present you’ve ever thought of? And most importantly, when you feel as if your world is crashing down, will they be there to pick you up?

Everyone’s dream relationship: to fall for your best friend.

“Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.”

-Chinese Proverb

I’m a relatively young person, not quite twenty yet.  I have very little life experience, and time in “the real world” under my belt.  However, I know a little bit about getting older.

I have two very different definitions of “growing up”. One, obviously getting older, usually when talking about a child growing into an adult.  Then, there’s GROWING UP, as in maturing.  At this point, it’s time to take o responsibility for your own actions and life, and make something out of yourself. I think I’m starting to grow up, in both senses of the word.

Sometimes, however, with maturity, comes a loss of adventure and zest for life.  Being cautious becomes your new hobby, and you think more about what could happen than what most likely will.  This is where I get the most meaning from today’s quote.  “Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” I’m not afraid to grow up, as long as I can still live out my dreams and ambitions while doing it.  I refuse to stand still, and not live my life the way I want to.  I refuse to let my head get the best of my heart, and I refuse to become the person my friends leave behind.

The expression “live a little” goes a long way with me…never give up an opportunity to try something new, be daring, take a risk, or have an adventure.  Our experiences make us who we are today. If we choose to stop experiencing, what do we have to live for?

Don’t let yourself stand still. Live your life.

"Confidence is the companion of success."

-Author Unknown

Alright, I can deal with this one. I’m going to go a different way with it though-

Kylie and I were just discussing yesterday how recently we’ve both realized just HOW important it is to have confidence; confidence in yourself, your abilities, and your future.  We are very similar in personality; strong willed, sharp, compassionate, yet stubborn as hell.  Another trait I’ve come to realize…we’re very unwilling to change for another.

The both of us have had recent relationship trouble.  She had been in a “dead” relationship for over a year, and it was taking a toll on her both mentally and emotionally.  Kylie is incredibly smart, tends to care too much, and always ends up getting the shitty end of the deal. Both of us are incredibly non-materialistic, dress to be comfortable, and are perfectly content with staying in every Friday night with a large bowl of ice cream, watching really horrible movies. The man she was with always wanted to be on the go, wanted her to dress and act a certain way, and often made her feel like she wasn’t worthy of being the woman on his arm.  Shortly after they broke up, I could start to see her confidence in herself returning…something I like to see.

She just went out on a date tonight, and was very nervous.  I told her to have confidence in herself, and be 100% Kylie.  She did, and it went great.

I’ve had an interesting time with this subject recently as well.  Growing up, I was always the shy girl.  I always had friends, just not that many, and I kept to myself.  I was always home, and honestly afraid to put myself out there and try something new.  I am a firm believer that getting my first job changed that for me.

The year I began working, was the year I came out of my shell.  I am forced to constantly deal with the public, and therefore desperately needed to learn how to communicate well with people, and fast.  I caught on very quickly, and have actually won multiple customer service awards for my friendliness. Not only did it help me in that sense, but work is also where I have met some of my best friends, including Sylvie.  My co-workers are like my summer family; always there for me, good or bad.  Spending almost every day with these people, I started to learn a thing or two about them…and myself.  That year I began going out on my nights off and weekends, started making road trips, and in general was a much happier and more confident person.  Even throughout my recent relationship, I found myself to be at an advantage.  Not only do I have an excellent support system (something he lacked), but I have the confidence to stand up for myself and my beliefs…something I may not have done before.

Confidence IS the key to success. Believing in yourself, knowing what your want out of life, and being able to carry yourself in a respectable manner are extremely important qualities. Confidence is what keeps your head up, motivates you to keep pushing forward, strengthens your faith in yourself and your abilities, and keeps you on the right path to your own personal success.

If you don’t have confidence at your side, you better have one hell of an alternate companion.

Seven Days of Seemingly Meaningless Words

This is the drill. Most people will read a famous quote, ponder it like it will make them seem more intellectual for a moment, and then move on with their day, having no clue as to what the author was trying to say.  I am the opposite.  In fact, I find strength and reason from reading these seemingly meaningless words by a bunch of dead old guys.  I've been in a writing mood this week, so I'm giving myself a challenge.  I've had an "inspiration" app on my IPhone for a couple of weeks now, and look at it every day, just flipping through the words of those with more life experience than I.  So, my challenge for myself is this: every day, starting tonight, I will take the first quote that comes up on my app, and write about it. 

Not only is it a challenge for me as a writer, but to see what advice I can give as well.

Wish me luck!

Walk By Faith

“I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection.” -Thomas Paine

2012 is certainly living up to it’s reputation. We’re twenty days into the new year, and it has been nothing but trial after trial. Between half of my family members losing their minds, my poor medical luck, and a shitty hand dealt to my father, it’s been enough to all but shut me down.

January 3, I went in to have all four of my wisdom teeth removed,  No biggie, right? Yeah, I thought so too. I came home that day, ate some Jello, did a little wallowing in self pity, had some awesome babysitters, and after a few days was starting to feel up to par.  Three days after my surgery, I got a call from my cousin/best friend, Kylie. My aunt tried to commit suicide, and was rushed to the emergency room.  My heart sunk, as I felt for my uncle, cousins, grandparents, father, and my own family.  Everyone was beyond concerned and worried, and I stayed on the phone with my cousin until I knew she was okay….four o’clock in the morning. At five o’clock, she called me back, and said we needed to come…that my grandpa was going to the hospital as well. My dad picked me up around six, and we made the seven hour drive to southern Virginia. Although it was under the worst circumstances, I got to visit with my grandparents, and luckily my grandfather did not need stay in the hospital more than an hour or so.  However, we still had the worry of my aunt, who in the meantime was going legitimately insane in the hospital. I spent most of my time with Kylie, doing everything we could to help the situation.  Eventually, we both left it up to God.  If she didn’t want to help herself, there was nothing more we could do….maybe he could help her.

We left two days later, everything with my aunt up in the air, and the feeling of helplessness in our hearts.  We would never wish anything bad upon her, but we felt as if we’d be making the trip back in another week, for her funeral, if the hospital decided to let her out in her condition.

When I got home, I went to see Jake, as he was leaving the next day to go back to Indiana. I told him all about what was going on, and he did everything a best friend could do; cheered me up, gave me a hug, and assured me that it was in fact my family that was crazy and not me.

The next day, I went back to the oral surgeon to get my stitches out. I found out I had an infected dry socket where one of my teeth was taken out, and went through some of the worse pain in my life as they packed the wound. I was not a happy camper. I came home, and got the news that my uncle’s cancer had also worsened and he was not doing well. Fantastic, I thought.

I got to spend some time with Sylvie later that day; good quality time.  We went to the Farm Show, got milk shakes, and chatted about our oh-so-eventful lives. We got back to her casa, and watched two Harry Potter movies, both of which were talked through. I decided to stay the night, so we watched two more terrible movies on Netflix, had a couple heartfelt conversations, and went to bed.  The next day, we made breakfast, watched another HP movie, and I left. This was the perfect remedy for everything I was going through; to be able to hang out with my best friend for hours on end, and put away the stress of my borderline psychotic relatives. Later that day, I learned my aunt was released.

Sylvie and I took a trip to the Poconos a couple of days later.  I had to pick up a hope chest my grandfather was finishing for me, and I wanted to show her my home away from home.  On the way we stopped to hang out with her roommate for awhile, and then drove to the middle of nowhere.  Upon arrival, we took a four wheeler ride through the woods with my uncle, something Sylv had never done.  We hung out for a little, and then headed home, chatting and laughing the whole way.  I dropped her off, and went in to check base with her parents. That night, her father said something that meant more to me than any of them could have possibly anticipated…

“Jordan, I just wanted to tell you that I think you’ve been a really great friend to Sylvie, and do a lot for these girls. Also, I wanted to tell you something.  On the ride to school every morning, Hally (Sylvie’s little sister) and I pray together, and every morning she prays for you.  When I asked her why, she just said that you were going through a lot right now, and you needed a little extra help.  If there’s anything we can ever do for you, you let us know. We‘re always here for you.”

One, being formally recognized for being a good friend means more to me that even imaginable, as I think nothing of doing my duty to these people that mean the world to me.  Second, knowing I have that family there for me, if I ever needed anything, is important.  Third, knowing that this young woman, whom I consider my unbiological little sister, prays for me every single day…literally brought tears to my eyes. With everything going on, I just really needed that boost.

When I got home, I learned my father had lost his job. Basically, our main source of income. At this point, I was wondering what the hell this family did to deserve everything it was getting. I couldn’t understand what more could possibly happen. With the help of my wonderful friends, I made a decision.  I decided to stop fighting, to stop trying to fix everything and everybody, and let what was going to happen, happen.  I wasn’t giving up, I was giving in…to God.  I figured there’s a reason for everything, and he’ll take care of this family, like he always has. At that point, I found some inner peace.  I could no longer get myself so worked up that I couldn’t breathe, or stress so much that my teeth hurt from the constant grinding. I was free from the burden of always trying to fix everyone.  I decided to let them do it themselves, and I’d be here to support them.

Things aren’t always going to go your way, and life is supposed to be challenging. Through all of these trials and tribulations, I feel I am growing stronger as a person, and we are growing stronger as a family.  To break down is one thing, but we don’t do that here.  This family sticks together, considers optimism our way of life, takes care of one another, and always remembers to smile and laugh.  No matter the problem, as long as you have a fantastic backup, nothing can ever or will ever keep you down.